Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
