my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
