What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
