I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
