Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
