My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
