I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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