Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
