What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
