Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
