my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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