i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
