I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
