everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
