i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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