I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
