There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
