glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
