I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have already put on my inside pants.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
