So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
