i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
