Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
