Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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