i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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