I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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