i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
