I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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