y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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