She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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