Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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