I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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