So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
