Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
