So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
