I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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