We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
