"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
