There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
