if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
