im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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