you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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