Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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