Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
