just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
