He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
