everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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