used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
FUCK WHALES
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize