I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
