I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
