dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
