I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
