Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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