How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
