Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
