So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
