My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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