i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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