It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His nipple licking is glorious
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