I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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