I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
