I got her a Nickelback box set.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
