Kiss
Puke
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
