i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
