I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
