i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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