strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
