So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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