nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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