Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
