i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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