I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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