You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He passed out mid-signature
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
