You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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