My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
