i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you win again, gameday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
