i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
