Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize