i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
