You smell like a Billy Joel song
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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