ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
