I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
