I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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