I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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