Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
