sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's paint friendship bongs
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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