Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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